45 days is enough time to fund a revolution, woo someone you love, come up with a new, less painful method of waxing, make friends with a duodenum, cultivate an itch and maybe even learn how to brew a perfect cup of tea.
In short, 45 days is a long time.
And that is exactly how long my house hunt is taking me. Like fellow citizens of the big cities around the world, I am destined to change addresses (much to the collective irritation of bill collectors) once every few years. Throw the word bachelor into the mix and the picture is oh-so-very-clear. Ruddy furniture, half-baked kitchen, sentimental pillow cases, picture frames and 35 cartons of musty old books make up my world. And I have been carrying it all over weary shoulders as I plod my way through the world of estate agents and brass nameplates.
The problem is quite simple really. No one wants to rent out an apartment to a single male. We are perceived as a debauch group of individuals, perilious and of unsound disposition. Seemingly more vicious than serial killers, rapists, anti-Semites, neo-Nazis put together. More volatile than ladies who have missed their beauty appointments. And as troublesome as vociferous advocators of non-smoking.
Apparently, we have sex all the time (I wish) with our loose, lady friends (if you know any, better still, are one, please do not hesitate to contact me, photograph mandatory) with a joint, dangling from our lower lip coupled with infrequent gulps of cheap booze. While I am happy that my single status merits me with such an outwardly Steven Tyler-ish glow, it is just plain unfortunate that I am also being denied shelter because of it. More so, because my only resemblance to the aforementioned personality is at best, limited.
And the drudgery continues. All my stuff lies locked in a warehouse far away. I make do with three t-shirts, one cellphone, one pair of jeans, my iPods and a tremendous sense of determination. My phone rings every 32 seconds with the news of another apartment that will definitely work out. My affliction with taxicabs continue. I frequently find myself at wrong turns and strange corners. The winds don't listen to me anymore.
As I type this, a fine muslin rain quietly wets the pavements. I think I will lose another umbrella today.
That's Top Cat. A New York alley cat who's always well turned out. Voiced by Arnold Stang, the series created by Hanna-Barbera ran in the early 60s on prime time television. He lives in a dustbin by the way. And still manages to remain rather unfazed. Cartoon characters have it easy. Even if they are single and presumably, gay.
22 comments:
Regardless of how relentless this period is for you, I still hear the humor in your voice along with your exaggerated frustration. No, I'm not devaluing the difficulty, but I still believe you are on top of the wave right now, vs. underneath it.
And for the record, I love the details of the t-shirts, jeans, etc. and determination- Much better choices than Steve Martin in The Jerk. And THANK GOD you decided to write- if not that, then make some prank phone calls or something next time you insist on disappearing. Even a breath on the other end of the line would suffice, though creepy.
Donno which city u writin from.. But same pinch.. Lets hope we find our respective abodes soon enuf.. Best of Luck
Hmph, I was thinking 45 days is nuthin’… Because I was looking back through some of my old stuff and some of yours and I suppose the obvious could be said, that when life is newer, we're more excited because we haven’t yet lived to be disappointed in the ways we’ve yet to be disappointed. Maybe the thoughts that ignite visions begging to be described with words aren’t anymore, or aren’t audible due to life under construction… Maybe my trying every kind of writing, like trying every kind of drink all in one evening is making me the worst kind of drunk and setting me up for the worst kind of hangover… I can’t see ahead of me for the rain. I do think it’s a good day to lose another umbrella :-)
missalister
Oh no that sounds really harsh. But you are still at it and that is all that counts. Some where I realise 45 days is indeed a lot of time. Especially to realise so much about one self, irrespective of right or wrong.
The thought of what have I been doing the last 45 days but wait is almost killing me now.
Hey!! U seem to have removed ur gmail id.. Hope my little intrusion didn't have anything to do with it.. Sorry if it did [:)]
Oh Phish you are a literary genius!
You must be.
I was reading your post while eating a chocolate Cadbury cookie called: Luxury Cookies and YET your post is so much better than the cookie. How's that for a compliment? :)
Good luck with the hunt! You'll get it!
dude, i've been pretending to be married while house hunting for the past month and guess what- no luck! the excuse offered here is the lack of a company lease. apparently i could be a card sharp, or worse, a terrorist for all they know. big cities and small town mentalities make up for one bad concotion.
p.s. TC reminds me of lazy, sunny afternoons when it was the only thing worth watching. what was the name of that cop he used to torment?
iPod in plural?
imagine, with the twin-theory, there is someone else in the world experiencing the same. pity, it's elsewhere in the world, or you could have shared an apartment.
Officer Dibble? Officer Dribble? Something like that, no?
So I went through this in January. Didn't take 45 days, but the 30 seemed mandatory. I have a room-mate, so the search was not without the occasional, 'Aw, f* that s*! Let's go get some cheap booze.'
Yea, we fit the stereotype. Well, only as far as the cheap booze goes.
i know exactly what you're talking about, and i like the way you've talked about it. good luck, mate! btw, are you telling me you have more than one iPod? what would you possibly do with them?
get a trailer, like mcdreamy, and park it at borivali national park. i have a 3 bedroom 2000 sq ft apartment in khar for lease, can you afford it?
not tht the situation isn't serious, but the post is grinsome.. all the best with the house-hunting.. and nice to read from u again
wanna shift to Colombo for a while? its easier here...plus there is a great need for a good writer in the agencies here.
TEECEE is an all time favorite. love his unfazed cool dude attitude under all circumstances.
i don't think it gets any easier for a single woman. why are landlords afraid of single ppl? Don't want to add to your angst but i lived in Bombay for 7 years paying little or no rent, thanks to friends who knew ppl with houses to lend. sometimes you have to wait for the home god to notice you.
Again, you write soooooo well!
and good luck with apartment hunting. I thought things were changing in Bombay but i guess its still the same.
I hope you find your roof soon. Good luck!
Top cat. They used to show his show on cartoon network. I wonder why they don't any longer. They also took Flintstones off air. i enjoyed them both.
You need some lessons in putting on the "I'm such a good boy. You'd want your daughter to marry me" mode to suit such situations.
I do it very well. I never had a problem with landlords in Mumbai. (evil chuckle)
aah, you finally decided to write!pleased to see you kept your good humour all through it all....anyway, i move to Bombay next year, with the great hope of finding a flat for myself, my mom tells me it's not that easy.....i guess she's right. and rents are horrible and it takes you ages to get anywhere....yeah, it's weird, i don't know why people have this thing about singletons.....i mean, you're paying the rent, that's all that should matter....good luck to you..
aah, you finally decided to write!pleased to see you kept your good humour all through it all....anyway, i move to Bombay next year, with the great hope of finding a flat for myself, my mom tells me it's not that easy.....i guess she's right. and rents are horrible and it takes you ages to get anywhere....yeah, it's weird, i don't know why people have this thing about singletons.....i mean, you're paying the rent, that's all that should matter....good luck to you..
I don't know where you're looking, but let me know if I can help. I have numbers of brokers in Bandra, Mahim/Matunga/Shivaji Park and Lower Parel (Phoenix side). Shoot me a mail if you need the numbers. (mildlyidle@gmail.com)
Not ok to say "My affliction with taxicabs continue". It has to be "My affliction with taxicabs continues". The verb relates not to the noun 'taxicabs' but to the noun 'affliction'. As is evident, I'm in that kind of mood today. Nice piece, though. Cheers.
hahaha ... all my sympathies.
your precarious lifestyle is being envied by all wannabe daredevils and adventurers !
"No one wants to rent out an apartment to a single male"
No matter which part of world you are in, its so true. As if the only purpose of single male's existence is to rent somebody's place and bring it down to grounds! A guy once told me that, "we don't rent out to single males" and a totally disgruntled me had replied, "Yeah, as if having a spouse is going to prevent me from inviting martians to land here"
Anyways nice blog! Adding you to my blogroll!
Post a Comment