In 15 days time, the year will melt. That's when you will probably be doing something stupid, romantic, nostalgic or pathetic. With or without your loved ones. In a new place or some stranger's log cabin that you will never go back to. If you are lucky you will get stoned, attacked by lesbians and win a lottery the next day. And will also have a fantastic new year's story to share with nervous colleagues in hushed voices.
I remember my post from a year back. Almost exactly at this time. I was busy trying to wrap up work and make arrangements for our trip to Goa. And it was good. Or so I thought. Too pre-occupied with feeling good to smell the first fumes of discontent. Too consumed with gratitude to hear the noises she was making. I often wonder how it was for her. I haven't really asked her. Did she start hating me then? Was she merely tolerating me? Was she listening? I don't know. It's time I stopped caring. At least, that's what everyone seems to be saying.
Thus started the year. And it feels like a thousand days since. A thousand days, memorised and logged with a detailed, accurate account of events. That I really don't want to relive. But not forget either. I owe myself that much. I have spent a lot this year. On booze. On unnecessary stuff that rots in my frig. On gadgets. On trying to create memories. On people that I thought would stay on a little longer. On freshly washed linen. Things that have managed to keep me distracted. One minute at a time.
It's Sunday. And I am at work. Working on yet another fashion campaign that's going rapidly downhill. Waiting for the last fortnight of the year to drain out. The year has been mostly terrible. Though I haven't bitten a dog. Or been to jail (not once this year, honest), I have been found wanting in most situations. Exposed and without an answer. So I let up my guard. And fight myself with a helpless, involuntary sense of humour.
Some days I am Woody Allen.
Cartoon by Paul Soderholm.
Courtesy www.gnurf.net. Check him out. He's awesome. Really.
13 comments:
Wow!
When I gather myself from all the emotions this post has invoked in me and rendered me speechless, when I can say some thing or knowing better nothing at all. I might come back to say some thing really mundane like happy new year. But for now. Wow!
Great picture. Great post. Somewhere there's a lion waiting to hug you (like the one on my blog:-), I promise. Plus, look at it this way, things can only get better.....Wishing you a 2008 to remember, for all the right reasons.
that makes the two of us @ not been to jail a single time this year.
i hope to be released soon, however.
I'm sorry for the pain of your wanting. Thank you for sharing all your thoughts and words with us this year.
educatedunenemployed - thank you and i am still waiting. though, it would be interesting to know what feelings have been evoked. honestly. i am a good listener these days.
smiling dolphin - a great big lion! thats what i have always wanted as a pet. thank you for the lovely wishes.
atul - lets do it before the peru thing. or better still jail in peru. would be different. live blogging...
videoxy - i could say a lot to you and i have. was on your blog just a little while back.
you think they'd have Internet access there?
now but i'm sure in face of adversity, like in hollywood movies, we'll make our own.
pb season 3 blues.
my bad, din have time to act read the whole thing....but commenting anyway, sayin hi
hows the malaria?
mystique - malaria gone. drinking on :) been good. left me significantly weaker by body and spirit. but am getting there. thank you for asking.
Woody Allen is great. Great writer!
Thus started the year...One minute at a time.
i cant tell you just how much i empathize with that.
camplin - he's one of my gods. yes. he is.
nothings aplenty - 'tis weird 'tis true. went on another friends blog this morning and found her using my words and emotions.
Hmm post to quench your inquisitiveness.
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